At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
