I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
