When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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