you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
