I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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