final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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