Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
