I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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