none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
