Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
