I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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