if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
