Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
