I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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