I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
