its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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