my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
