my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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