Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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