Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
