I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
only you would photoshop your dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
