I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
