you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
