so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
