Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
