You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
