My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
