Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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