so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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