remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
