So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
