Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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