He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
