I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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