This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
