you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
