I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
