i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
