Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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