Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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