East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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