He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
