I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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