he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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