at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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