Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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