YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
