Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
