he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have fence marks all over my body
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
