oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
